Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach that holds that our minds are composed of a multiplicity of “parts”, or the various facets that make up who we are. We tacitly acknowledge having parts anytime we say, “A part of me feels x but another part feels y.” The idea of having parts goes back to Freud (ego, superego, id) and isn’t bad or pathological, but simply the nature of our incredibly complex brains and personalities. Ideally, our internal system is harmonized and we go about our daily lives functioning just fine and experiencing a general sense of comfortable self-possession. However, if we’re stuck or acting out or repeating patterns and behaviors that we know don’t serve us, it suggests that our internal system is in some kind of conflict or imbalance. IFS is a helpful tool in figuring out what’s off and how to bring things back into harmony. It can be used to work through trauma or everyday concerns and difficulties.
HOW DOES IFS DO THIS?
With IFS, we can get to know the members of your internal system—your parts—from a place of curiosity and acceptance. All the self-talk you hear inside, all the strong feelings or impulses to act out—those are all parts of you clamoring to make sure that you’re safe or that you’re doing what you’re supposed to or that you don’t fall apart. Rather than trying to push them away (which you’ve probably already discovered doesn’t work), we can slow things down so that you’re not overwhelmed or ignoring them, and so you can truly hear and understand what’s happening inside. We can start to see how your parts are trying to help in their own way, even if their efforts are creating downstream problems, and exactly what survival imperatives are embedded in all the noise. This is when things begin to soften, and we gain the opportunity to rebalance your system and deeply process and heal the wounds underneath it all.
WHAT DOES IFS LOOK LIKE IN SESSION?
One way to begin is just by talking about what’s on your mind or something about yourself that you’d like to focus on. It could be a particular feeling or narrative or memory or even a body sensation—whatever stands out to you that you’re curious about. We’ll use that as an entry point to turn your attention inward and see which parts of your system are showing up as words, thoughts, emotions, memories, images, or sensations. I’ll help you find a place of emotional calm and receptivity so you can listen without reactivity and start to figure out why these particular parts are activated. We’ll also see how they’re interacting with each other, which is critical to understanding how they might be at cross-purposes and creating problems for you on the outside.
One of the most impactful things about IFS is deeply witnessing what we’ve been through from the point of view of our parts—these adaptive aspects of us that have only ever tried to get us through life. So we’ll listen closely and with openness, and we’ll make sure you’re hearing it right so you really get the meaning of what happened and how you were affected. Sometimes, parts of us are stuck in the past, usually when we’ve experienced traumas that have kept us frozen or in a loop. If that’s the case, we’ll help that part out of the past so you can let go of old beliefs and update your system about where and who you are now.
Now, this may not happen all in one session—it can take many sessions to learn to sit with our parts and to be receptive to what they’re bringing. But every time we practice and listen inside, it teaches our system something new: that we’re willing to build a relationship with ourselves in a different way. That helps us gently redirect our brains and nervous systems out of old habits and into new neural pathways and possibilities.